Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Out of the Margin

I have always found myself marginalized. I am honest enough with myself to know that it has been self inflicted, due to the usual litany of insecurities. But in the course of my incredible adventure as a mom, I am involved with my son’s school and have been forcing myself to be social, to come out of the margin and onto the main page. It’s hard, I stink at small talk, feel trivial, have no idea what other people find engaging, and am painfully shy on top of it all.

I have been selling my work, quietly, on line a bit at a time, for awhile and one of the other mothers discovered my etsy site, and purchased a big ol’ bunch for herself in June or thereabouts and ever since, she has been gently, persistently after me to do a party at her home. I finally did it, last Saturday night. The entire week prior I spent scared out of my mind, butterflies, hands shaking, wondering if anyone would believe I had suddenly contracted dengue fever.  Understand that the guest list was comprised mostly of other moms from our school and if I flopped, this was serious home turf, these were women I see and interact with on an almost daily basis, would I have to wear a bag over my head? put Evan in another school? oh crap.

The night arrived, and I was do or die brave and Juliann was so very gracious, so extremely incredibly generous, and so totally on my side. When I saw my work out on her table in her beautiful home, I actually calmed down. It looked amazing. I realized that I am good at this; I make beautiful original art jewelry. How great is that?

When the guests arrived, and start browsing, I could not believe the reaction I was getting, they liked it….a lot. They bought….a lot. They asked for special work…a lot. More parties. You aren’t charging enough. You’re talented. It’s beautiful. Can you make this...or that…? I cried happy all the way home.

I was out of the margins. And I like it...a lot.

And I am so very grateful to JuliAnn for scribbling in my margin, and showing me my wings.  I have such wonderful friends.


  1. YAY!!! I only know you online and you write in a way that definately shows you to be one of the most unsuckiest persons I know!!
    Maybe you should write that on your bedside mirror, in BIG writing in RED lipstick. See you have my permission to LOVE yourself. God made you fabulous and he doesn't make anything that sucks!
    nic xx

  2. I love you Nic!! LOL. Somehow you found me the first post or so, you have been in my corner ever since, and I in yours. I know I am amazing! you told me so. And you know you are cuz I said so. :-)

    The suck part is my inability at times( like all mums i suppose) to empathize fully with Evan. OH SHIT!! I AM HUMAN!!! is there a vaccine? I am 51, my son is 6, I should be so totally on point. Bullshit I know.

    the cool part is I have you, and one or two others to cheer me on in my non original struggle.

    I have been having so much fun living vicariously through your insanely fun rise to stardom, I wonder if I had the wherewithal, or the courage as you do- to put it all there, as you do- would I be as happy as you are? answer YES!! duh

    Wouldnt it be 'LOVERLY' to sit one day with each other and talk, or ummm chat- over tea?

    email me off post if you can

    love and kisses

  3. E-mail sent - Flying it over by world wide weird ;)

  4. good on you! You do beautiful work- but it IS hard, putting it out there. Yay for good friends.


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