My Hero.

This one had to sit with me awhile.  For a lot of reasons.

E was really excited about his halloween costume, it was to be gruesome, bloody, scary, and borderline inappropriate.  Perfect for Halloween.  He dubbed it his maniac costume, among other titles.  He and Dad worked for hours on the make up, it was awesome, like hollywood good.

But he and I both caught a lot of flak for it.  I'm still trying to figure out if people really think he'll grow up to be a serial killer because we let him have fairly free rein over his costumes. He was really hurt and confused by some of the things that were said, it was a very creative expression for him, and some other parents just didnt get it.  I had to explain to him that some folks take things way too seriously.

Do they not see how empathetic he is? How wise? How loving and kind?  I guess not.  And thats their loss. 

A few days before Halloween, A friend confided to him that she was really sad, feeling all alone in the world, and that she was thinking of committing suicide. A fourth grader. Ready to end it before it began.  E went directly to the adults in charge and got her the help she needed.  He didnt ignore her, he didnt waffle about what to do.  He quite possibly saved her life.  She was terribly angry with him, and he felt like he had betrayed her.  He wrote her a note that said in part" I am so sorry I told your secret, But I really like you and didnt want you to be gone"  We talked about it afterwards, and at the end of our conversation he said "I guess it's better to have her mad at me and lose her as a friend for awhile, than to have done nothing and lost her for always" And the best part?  He was truly surprised that people were so proud of him and telling him how brave he was.  To him it was the only right thing to do.

Take that you judging bunch of mofo's.  Next time SEE the child -not the costume. Or maybe the next time you dress up like a hooker for halloween we can all assume its your true alter ego.

Now his maniac/serial killer get-up looks like a hero costume to me, and I am grateful for that, he is my hero.

Two for Mom!

I picked E up from school the other day, and on the way to gymnastics, we had this conversation:

E- 'You know why I love you so much?'
Me- 'Why pumpkin?'
E- 'Because you listen to me, you really listen, you let me ask questions and questions, you listen to my opinion, and you give me honest answers.  I dont see many parents doing that.  I really love you because when you listen to me that way, then I know you love me and that I am important.'
Me- *sniffle* 'I love you too sweetness, with all my heart'

Then over the weekend, in the driveway, sweating, in the rain, helping E to pull the staples out of garden fencing we needed for the halloween graveyard (it came out great by the way)

E- 'Mom, turn and look at me'
Me- 'OK'
E- 'Now smile'
Me- 'OK'
E- 'You look beautiful like that Mom'
Me- 'I love you too'

it makes it soooo worth it. 

I love being his Mom, and I am grateful for that

Phew! Studio!!!!

Our summer started with the hard realization that we had to move into a better school district.  E needed to be in a neighborhood where he could go to school with the local kids. So we sold the house....bought a new one... and did this to it.

Then we painted, and tiled and carpeted and did dishes in a laundry sink, using my show tables for counters.  My studio was the storeroom. sigh.  Now I have cabinets, everything is 99% unpacked, just need some counter tops and we'll be done.  ummm except for the bath remodel, thats next.....

BUT my Art Room looks like this now:

 

And I will be getting back to BIDNESS real soon!   yaay!

 

 

And I am so grateful for that.



Hahahaha! can you say BOILERPLATE?

Love this, this is the "completely noncommital - do not address any concerns specifically- CYA letter" I got back from Ms K--- Superintendent of the School District

Dear Ms. Knapp:

Thank you for sharing your concerns.  I want to assure you that at all times the safety of our students was paramount.  The decision to have school in session on Monday was based on the information available to us at the time.  We relied on the National Hurricane Center and the National Weather Service in Melbourne, as well as local information provided through the county’s Emergency Management. 
This storm proved to be unpredictable.  While I understand your concerns, I want you to know decisions regarding schools were taken seriously.  As weather conditions deteriorated, our focus remained entirely on our students and ensuring they all made it home safely from school, which they did. 

Best Regards,


Nancy K-----
Superintendent

One of the guys I work with says that the email is a paraphrase for "You guys voted me out of office so screw you"

And I am grateful we did.

A post storm letter

This is what it looked like trying to get to the school.

I wrote this to the superintendent of schools today.  I take full responsibility for not listening to my my 'mama voice' and sending E to school on the advice of the school boards anouncement.  This is all I have to say about it. I think its enough. I feel better now.

Dear Ms K-------,
As I am certain you have received numerous communications in regard to yesterdays unconscionable decision to keep the Martin County School District open, I will make this short and to the point.
As a new family to the Martin County Public School system, I am appalled at your offices lack of regard for the saftey of not only your students and their familes, but your staff as well.  As parents, we look to your office for guidance in these matters, assuming that you have much better information than we have access to. As that is apparently not the case, next time my gut instict trumps your offices information.
Trying to get to my sons school to pick him up yesterday was a nightmare, and our story is mild in comparision to others I have heard.  I can only hope that this level of shortsighted incompetence is an aberration and not the normal way you run your district.  The only saving grace is your extreme good fortune that no one was hurt. Adding credence to my complaint is the fact that the schools were closed today to inspect for damage, damage that would have been incurred WHILE the children were in school, again your good fortune that no one was hurt.
The only ray of light I can see in this debacle is that Ms M----- and her staff were absolutely on point yesterday and are to be highly commended.  You are extremely fortunate to have people of such dedication and heart working for you.
Regards,

Thank you Kelly!

Its been awhile since I wrote anything here.  I have missed it, dearly.  I stopped because I was getting flak from the mothers of the kids who bully my son.  One actually wrote a comment on the Broken Hearts post that has me wondering if she is certifiable.  She has turned it around so that she views my son as the bully.  Yeah, thats why her family was asked to leave the school, and asked to leave the Dojo, among other places- Because my son is the bully, makes perfect sense to me.  NOT.

Screw that.  

Kelly Warren of http://happyshackdesigns.blogspot.com/  I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comment yesterday.  I came back and reread a lot of the old posts, It made me realize that if I stop writing about what I want to write about -be it a rant, a celebration, art I am working on or a share-because I am too thin skinned to deal with the craziness-then the bullies win, and I refuse to model that for my son.

Kelly- you made me realize that what I write does make a difference, even if only to me.  If it makes a difference to anyone else, thats icing on the cake.
I'm back. And I am grateful for that.

To my son. Nuff said.

Broken Hearts

OK.  It’s official, I’m completely totally 100% over it.

My son goes to a private school.  I put him there thinking he would, in some measure, be safe, at least more so than in public school. He’s in the third grade.  He’s doing well, reads at almost 7^th grade level according to the standardized tests, is extremely creative, follows the rules, puts reasonable question  to authority,  gets along well with his teachers and classmates.

And he’s getting bullied.  Everyday.  Verbally and/or physically, pretty much every DAMN DAY.  This has been going on for years.  Zero tolerance they say. We’re working on a solution they say.  We have a plan they say.  Yeah, that’s why when I pick my son up some days; he’s on the verge of tears, tears that rain in a torrent as soon as he & I are safe in the car.

Yesterday, what resounded with me was “why won’t they keep us safe from him Mommy?”  (notice he asked ‘won’t’ not ‘can’t’) and “Why don’t they make him leave mommy?” and sadly- when I ask what the teachers do-“ I hate my teachers, they won’t do anything” 

Good questions, those are.

They are trying to do something, they say, they have a plan.  Big damn whoop.  The plan is about helping the bully.  What bullshit. What about what it’s doing to my son and the other kids that are being tortured? Everyone is so intent on helping the BULLY, that they are forgetting the damage he has inflicted and continues to inflict on his classmates. 

Forgetting that at night parents like me have to stay until their child falls asleep because he’s scared. 

Forgetting that at night, the bullying doesn’t stop, it revisits in dreams, the kind our kids wake up crying from.

Forgetting that parents like me are on overtime trying to compensate for the damage inflicted on burgeoning self-esteem, damage that will last a lifetime.

Forgetting that by not protecting, lifting up and cherishing the kids who are getting hurt, they exponentially add to the damage.

Forgetting that the bully getting all the ‘fix it’ attention is the wrong message.  There is no apparent consequence for him.  But the kids who are getting bullied get in trouble for ‘tattling’

Forgetting that this is the stuff kids are dying about.

All the positive reinforcement techniques in the world do not stop the message the bully is pounding into these children.  That they are losers, they are stupid, they are worthless.  The message gets through and it sticks. Compounded by all the ‘forgetting’.

And I’m beyond pissed off.

And I am grateful that my son trusts me and believes in me enough that he brings his hurts and sadness to me, and we work on it together.  But I can’t fix it, and that breaks my heart.

The Sandhill Cranes update

As I promised Evan, We went back to check on his friends, the Sandhill Crane pair that one of them had been injured. 

They weren't there, we looked everywhere, all around the lake, all down Grandmas street.  Couldnt find them.  Evan investigated the swale where we first found them and found some amazingly soft fluffy down from one of them, it was like trying to hold a bit of a summer cloud in your hand.  It made him smile, and then laugh as the breeze caught it and he tried to catch the itty bitty cloud.

We talked about how it was good that we weren't seeing a crane alone, because that could mean something sad, remember- they mate for life.

Evan said a small prayer, and as we were leaving the development, I thought I caught a glimpse of a pair walking on the other side of the lake, one not walking as gracefully as the other....

And I am grateful for that, so much.

The Sand Hill Cranes

My son is 8.  He is rough, rowdy, goofy, serious, sweet, smart, totally all boy.  Wants to grow up and join the CIA to rid the world of bad guys.  Some have expressed that he is ‘obsessed’  (their word, not mine)with violence.  (Off topic side note, the ones who say this are the ones whose sons bully mine. Go figure) The ones who know him, know better.

My son tests himself and his emerging maleness by playing at swords and war, as boys have done since the dawn of the world. It is not obsession; he is readying himself to make a difference in an increasingly difficult world.  I do not shelter him from the craziness as much as other moms may, nor do I allow much exposure, in my view neither is fair. I tell him the truth in language he can understand.  He is safe and knows it, he also knows there are bad folks out there and only the brave and true of heart will stop it. He will be one of them. He is brave, empathetic, gentle, discerning and kind, above all he is kind.

We knew something was wrong when we saw these two sand hill cranes.  They were hanging out in the middle of the day in a tiny swale at my mother’s house.  One was down, seemingly resting; the other was pacing around the first, nervous, sitting, then pacing some more. 

These birds mate for life, their chicks stay with them until fully grown, they are beautiful.

Evan wanted to see what was going on, certain all was not well, he approached them very slowly, took almost 10 minutes to get the last few feet.  He moved gently, deliberately, talking to them all the while:

“Don’t worry”

“I won’t hurt you”

“Are you alright?”

“Just want to see if I can help you”

“I love you”

“Shhh, its ok, it’s just me, don’t worry”

This was an eight year olds litany of comfort to a wild animal.

He got very very close.  The one moved away, not too far, but as if to let Evan know he was trusted.  The other, stood, as Evan looked him/her over, He discovered a fresh wound, the right foot was missing, bleeding, painful to put weight on.

Animal control said to leave it for a day or so, was no doubt from an alligator, happens all the time, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

As Evan walked away from them, he said:

“Thank you for letting me get so close to check on you, we’ll be back to see how you are doing, remember that I love you.”

I only heard his conversation with them because I have Mommy hearing, they were private, quiet, meant only for him and the cranes.

The partner crane that had moved away now moved back to his mate and both watched Evan walk slowly and quietly away.  They felt my boys soul, like I do.

"We need to come back and check on them mommy"
"I know, baby, we will, tomorrow"
"Thank you Mommy"

And I am so grateful for that.