Friday, December 2, 2011

Broken Hearts

OK.  It’s official, I’m completely totally 100% over it.

My son goes to a private school.  I put him there thinking he would, in some measure, be safe, at least more so than in public school. He’s in the third grade.  He’s doing well, reads at almost 7th grade level according to the standardized tests, is extremely creative, follows the rules, puts reasonable question  to authority,  gets along well with his teachers and classmates.
And he’s getting bullied.  Everyday.  Verbally and/or physically, pretty much every DAMN DAY.  This has been going on for years.  Zero tolerance they say. We’re working on a solution they say.  We have a plan they say.  Yeah, that’s why when I pick my son up some days; he’s on the verge of tears, tears that rain in a torrent as soon as he & I are safe in the car.

Yesterday, what resounded with me was “why won’t they keep us safe from him Mommy?”  (notice he asked ‘won’t’ not ‘can’t’) and “Why don’t they make him leave mommy?” and sadly- when I ask what the teachers do-“ I hate my teachers, they won’t do anything” 
Good questions, those are.

They are trying to do something, they say, they have a plan.  Big damn whoop.  The plan is about helping the bully.  What bullshit. What about what it’s doing to my son and the other kids that are being tortured? Everyone is so intent on helping the BULLY, that they are forgetting the damage he has inflicted and continues to inflict on his classmates. 
Forgetting that at night parents like me have to stay until their child falls asleep because he’s scared. 

Forgetting that at night, the bullying doesn’t stop, it revisits in dreams, the kind our kids wake up crying from.

Forgetting that parents like me are on overtime trying to compensate for the damage inflicted on burgeoning self-esteem, damage that will last a lifetime.
Forgetting that by not protecting, lifting up and cherishing the kids who are getting hurt, they exponentially add to the damage.

Forgetting that the bully getting all the ‘fix it’ attention is the wrong message.  There is no apparent consequence for him.  But the kids who are getting bullied get in trouble for ‘tattling’
Forgetting that this is the stuff kids are dying about.

All the positive reinforcement techniques in the world do not stop the message the bully is pounding into these children.  That they are losers, they are stupid, they are worthless.  The message gets through and it sticks. Compounded by all the ‘forgetting’.
And I’m beyond pissed off.

And I am grateful that my son trusts me and believes in me enough that he brings his hurts and sadness to me, and we work on it together.  But I can’t fix it, and that breaks my heart.


  1. I encourage all who read this to post their thoughts...whether you have been through this or not. I have and it is the worst feeling ever! You feel helpless because you want to help your child, yet the school would rather help the bully. When this happened to my daughter (by the way, she is special needs) I tried working through the public go.... I had to threaten them with my daughter's lawyer before it stopped.

    We should NOT have to threaten any school with a lawyer before they act. Zero tolerance is exactly what it should be.....ZERO TOLERANCE!

  2. But your son did the same to my son, he learned this from you who did this to me. There are always two sides to a story and what a difference it makes when you remove someone from the everysay insanity. My son has changed 100 fold---dont throw stones look in the mirror--Almost put my bbeautiful son in the SAME gifted program your son was going into. I WILL NOT SUBJET my son to yours--I have lost a deposit on a home and now going into another gifted program. I can ONLY Thank GOD I received a heads up that you would be involved, that wont happen again , not in this lifetime!

  3. Anonymous my ass, You have got to be kidding Julianne.


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