I got a gift this morning!!!

In the car, on the way to life as usual, at just about 6:20 this morning, my son in the back, happily playing his DS (no nasty emails please, he gets to play one way only LOL)  I watched this unfold as we made our way.  The picture is from my iPhone, so its not the best, but you get the idea. 

I said- Look! Look at that!! (fully expecting the usual DS induced comatose reply of Uh-Huh)

Instead he said- Wow Mom, thats so beautiful, thank you for helping me notice!

What an awesome gift that was.

Because they are so fleeting, I made a treasury on ETSY trying to keep the colors alive a little longer.  Click on the blog post title to see it, tell me if you think I succeeded.

I am so grateful for these little moments in my life.

Being the Change, Creatively

I am a member of an Etsy 'team' that features Palm Beach County artisans.  It never fails to amaze me when I peruse some of their work.  There is so much talent and generosity around us.  I was looking at Chantals etsy shop (click the blog post title to get there)  and came across these gems......

The quilted fronts are called 'Molas'  Here is her sourcing story

"This pillow was made from a mola purchased in Panama. Kuna women of Panama hand sew their molas to used them as front and back panels for their blouses. Traditional molas depict geometrical patterns as well as realistic designs of flowers, birds and animals. Molas are hand sewn using a reverse appliqué technique and can take 2 weeks to 6 months to complete.

The Kuna people live in Panama, Central America and are a proud people. Making and selling their molas is an important source of revenue for them."

I am in awe of these, She is making things, exquisite things by hand, while helping to support an indigenous people.  Can you imagine if we all did that? sort of a Kiva/Etsy hybrid.  Damn, we could change the world.

Chantal already is, one Mola pillow at a time.

And I am so grateful to be part of a team that has such generous members.

Painted shoes, flights of fancy, wearable art.

NoraKaren- Where were you when I got married?

I would have totally rocked these with my demure little dress!!

Nora's imagination is apparently boundless...check these out


Tatt Chic? No Problem
  

Fairy Tale Wedding? Look no further...


Elegant Extravagance ?  She has you covered.....


Hip Rocker Awesomeness?  no worries......


I love browsing through her shop.....you will too!!

Wings and Faith

Awhile back a dear friend who has been my self-appointed fan club prez, (OMG I love her!) had been gifting her mother, among others, with my work, told me that her Mother was a docent at a fabulous Museum across the state.  (Trembling and disbelief starts here…)

Her mom wore my work a LOT while she gave tours, and apparently was being asked about the work consistently, and whether it was available in the Museum Store. (heart rate soars here…) 

This is one of the necklaces her Mom liked to wear.

Very long story short (fear, trepidation, and paralysis off the charts ALL through here…), with gentle prodding from my friend, a trip across the state, my work is in the Museum Store.  I discovered it’s very hard to drive back across the state while doing a happy dance.

My friend, with her amazing gift to me of unwavering belief  (and a good kick in the ass)…gave me wings and conviction.

Then....Not so very long ago, a friend who had commissioned work before, saw the pieces I posted that were sent to the museum, and asked if I would make her a piece of sea glass jewelry to remember her sister by. 

Yes, I cried.
(And I was afraid.)
But mostly I was filled with gratitude that she would trust this to me.

Her sister was a guiding light in the family, every picture I ever saw of her was full on laughter, always a light in her eye.  In the conversation about what would best represent her sister, my friend also shared that she had lost her mother not all that long ago.  She told a story about her parents, after they had discovered her Mom was sick, taking long walks on beaches…looking for sea glass. 
And I cried some more.

She decided that the gift needed to extend to more of their family, and we ended up with 8 pieces.  EIGHT.   We chose this from the glass her Dad so willingly sent:

(Paralyzing fear)

What if I couldn’t hit the mark?  What if I took all this beautiful glass and screwed it up? 

Then I remembered I had wings, and I breathed, and this is some of what happened:

Every single one has a heart soldered on the back.

This friend with her amazing gift to me of trust…gave me faith and calm.

I am am grateful for my friends, who lift me up.  I only hope I do the same for them.

Dont blink...you may not get another chance

There’s a country song by Kenny Chesney called ‘Don’t Blink’.  It’s a reminder to pay attention to what’s important. 

You could miss something. Something important that you can’t get back.

Yesterday, I picked Evan up after camp at the ranch.  He had lost his shoes, among other things.  He was hungry and wanted to go to the market and get some of their yummy chicken.  No Shoes.  Hmmm.

I said yes.

I figured we could get away with it this once, but as we got out of the car into the almost 100 degree heat, I realized the asphalt would be torture on his feet.  It occurred to me to piggy back him, but I’m 5’2” on a good day, and barely over 120 lbs.  He’s up to my shoulder already and much too heavy these days. So we ran.

But it started that song in my head….

When was the last time he had asked for a piggy back ride?  Did I say yes? I don’t remember

When was the last time he wanted to hold my hand in public? Did I?  Yes

When was the last time he asked me to push him on the swings? Did I?  I hope so

When was the last time he asked me to go on a bike ride with him? Did I? No

When was the last time he asked me to read just one more story? Did I? Yes

When was the last time……

You never know which time will be the last. 

You don’t get these moments back.

Say yes. Say yes. Say YES.

I am grateful that I said yes to shoeless chicken, and for the possibility of going on that bike ride that I said ‘no’ to not so long ago.

The Zen Oxymoron of Perfection

I remember while reading about Japanese art a long time ago, that it is the imperfections which make an artwork perfect, desirable. What a life changing idea. If there is no flaw, there is no uniqueness. If an item is unique, it is perfect. I love Zen circles.

I think that having that thought in the back of my mind all these years has kept me from completely losing it at more than a few points in my life. Somehow that tucked away concept kept me going when I was at my most ‘unworthy’.

There have been an awful lot of close calls with losing it…

I could list all the bad choices, rough roads, etc ad nauseum, but I won’t. I have discovered that far from being utterly alone in my imperfect state, it’s crowded in here. We all have this kind of stuff we carry around, doing our damndest to ensure that no one else knows how unlovable we are.

The last few years, in trying to shed this need to be perfect, I have had some setbacks, with me clinging to the idea of attaining that perfection like it was the air I needed to breathe. It matters less to me now. I like me most of the time. I like me a lot actually, and if there are people out there who don’t, well-their loss. Seems to me those folks are the ones dancing the perfection polka the hardest. It used to cut me to the core when I would get blown off/ignored/overlooked because of some perceived imperfection (insert “not whatever enough” of your choice here) I possessed, now the cuts are shallower and I am beginning to feel sorry for them, that they will not know me.

It hits me the hardest when I see my 7 year old son struggle with what other people think of him. All my past pains become sharper, and I see what I have lost by allowing the pursuit of perfection to rule me. Watching him, that’s pain, a boo boo I can’t kiss and make go away, I have to offer him skills instead, skills to recognize and dismiss the utter soul suicide of assuming personal responsibility for everyone else’s happiness. And it’s really hard, since I am relatively new to those lessons myself. What bullshit. And no I don’t use those phrases with him.

My art, my jewelry is part of this epiphany. It isn’t perfect, but it is, in an oxymoronish Zen sort of way, and I like it that way, its individual, part of a journey, creative, part of me, birthed from a particular moment in my life, (hmmm, my son is all those things too, and more) it’s the kind of work that speaks to a person’s inner self. Not about karats, carats or anything else, except the connection. Maybe that’s why I give it away sometimes.

So two things born of me, my son and my jewelry, are giving me a new perspective, a rebirth of sorts My life is awesome.
I apologize to my husband for the insane amount of commas in this post, but I write the way I think....

I am simply letting go of the idea of impossible and doing my best to embrace my Zen-like uniqueness. And it feels good, and I am grateful for that.   oooohhhhmmmm

Empathy and me-e-e-e-e, are pretty good company, well ummm….

Definition:

em•pa•thy [ émpəthee ]

1. understanding of another's feelings: the ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties
NOUN
Synonyms: understanding, sympathy, compassion, responsiveness, identification, fellow feeling
NOUN
Antonyms: indifference


I had planned on posting some new work, but this is more important today.

Yesterday when I took my son to his taekwondo class, as we were driving in, we saw a friend of ours heading for her car with her two boys. One of the boys is autistic. She was crying, disconsolate really. So Evan and I pulled in next to her and asked what happened. Apparently the son who is autistic (awesome kid by the way) was playing hide and seek in the dojo with a few other kids; and quite innocently- he went into the women’s changing area to hide. There was a woman in there breast feeding her baby, who demanded that he leave. WTF? She was breastfeeding, not having killer sex. Oh yuck, thats a visual I didnt need.

Any reasonably intelligent mom should know that when you shout or speak sharply to a child –especially one who doesn’t know you, they react out of fear, from the brain stem. She decided he was (in her words) a mouthy brat. Well she came out of there looking for the mother of said ‘brat’ and proceeded to give my friend hell. My friend apologized and explained her son was autistic, and the response was along the lines of “I guess you need to do a better job of watching him then”. My girl being the woman she is, apologized profusely and repeatedly, but the woman kept at her, made her feel awful, just awful. I don’t care who you are, or who the kid is, there’s no need for that. See definition above- it applies to most every situation.

Girlfriend kept it together until she hit the front door, then dissolved. Tougher than I could have been. Sensei would’ve had to mop me up off the dojo floor

I need to digress a moment to tell you what an amazing woman and mom my friend is. She takes on the battle when no one else will. She advocates tirelessly and thanklessly for autism affected kids and their families. She shines. She loves. She yells. She makes mistakes. She succeeds. She keeps going.

So once girlfriend felt OK enough to drive, Evan and I parked our car. Mind you now, Evan witnessed the pain in our friend. I asked Evan if he would mind changing inside, instead of in the car like he usually does.

“Why?”
Because I want to talk to the lady who hurt our friend.
“You gonna tell her all about it?”
Damn right I am.
“Yaaay Mom power!!!” (did I mention how cool my son is?)

Everyone has issues of some kind or another. Everyone has skeletons of some sort. They are with us always, they affect everything we do, every single action and reaction is governed by the rats nest of stuff we all deal with in our secret selves every single day.

And no one is perfect, no one. No matter how hard or seemingly successfully they try to keep up that pretty picket fence façade.

Next time someone -or more especially, some child happens to perpetrate some unmindful act of discourtesy or rudeness, try to keep that definition in the front of your mind and realize there just might be more to it. Breathe and connect with your own heart first.

I apologize to Elton John for mangling his lyric to “Harmony”


Do I need to tell you that as I was “telling her all about it”, I forgot all about empathy?
And you know what? I am sorta grateful that I did….awful aren’t I?

I'm still here

yes I am.

Phew, it’s been awhile. It has been one heck of a summer. There was a tooth abscess for Evan (on his only filling, go figure that), serious back surgery for Mom, arthritis induced broken neck for my aunt, hysterectomy for me, shingles for me, seriously ill sister in law, juggling Evans camp and activity schedule, trying to keep DH happy (LOL not easy with a hysterectomy recovery) , it never stopped, the entire summer. Oh, and the vacations I seriously needed: cancelled. Sigh, it’s all good though.

And it’s left me feeling woefully inadequate. I can hear all of you now, telling me that’s silly, I know, just doesn’t feel that way. While it was all happening, I felt I was doing the best I could, just can’t help feeling I could have done better -with Mom especially. I totally sucked at that. She’s had a really tough time recovering from the surgery, the surgeon had to do a lot more than he expected once he got in, and it’s made recovery really hard. I realize I can’t take care of everyone, even though I feel compelled to

I have lots of new work sitting unfinished on my bench, getting to it a little at a time. Oh yeah and a beautiful fine silver and 24k gold heart pendant made for my aunt mysteriously disappeared in the mail, the ONE time I don’t insure something. Bleech. So that’s getting remade as well.

Happier things!  Evan has his first taekwondo competition the other night. He was competing against mostly older kids with higher belts and came out of it with a good sportsmanship medal, and a 2nd place trophy for one step sparring. Pretty AWESOME! The really cool part was when he would go to the kids who didn’t do so well and high five them, or go to the kids who beat him, and tell them ‘good job!’ A low point was a friend of his who is his age but in a class with younger kids- predictably came out with 4 trophies, and taunted Evan about it. Once I explained that it was because his friend was competing against kindergartners, and that Evan was against his age and older with higher belts, Evan was OK. Great pic isnt it?

Grateful? Oh yes, that my family got through this summer, also that I realized I am inadequate to take care of everyone and am becoming ok with it, and mostly that my son is so amazing.

Yes, he’s OK. Completely 100%

There was a Cub Scout camping trip in Sebring last weekend. A place I would have loved to go. Fossil & shark teeth hunting, old Florida environment, the works. I bowed out for a number of reasons, chief being to give Daddy & Evan a chance to be together, just the two of them. Friday afternoon I received an email from the pack leader, saying the River was high from the recent rain and fossil/shark teeth hunting might be impacted. OK. I forwarded the email to hubby. I asked Hubby to please keep a close eye on Evan, as he is one of the younger boys and likes to play with the bigger kids.


Saturday morning on the way to take the 2 cats to the vet, I get a phone call (this is paraphrased, could NOT tell you what the actual conversation was):

Me- Hello?

Hubby- “ he’s fine”

(first of all “he’s fine” is man-speak for-“CATASTROPHE averted, collateral damage report pending”)

Me- WHAT?

Hubby- “he fell out of a tree and we are on the way to the hospital in an ambulance”

Me-WHAT!!!! AMBULANCE?!!! A TREE? What happened? (pulled over now, crying, and heart thumping, cats meowing)

Hubby- “Honey, I am trying to tell you, he fell out of a tree onto his head…”

Me- (crying) A TREE? HIS HEAD? WHAT? HOW HIGH?

Hubby- “Honey he’s fine, it was 8 or 9 feet, let me tell you…….”

Me- “8 or 9 feet???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do I need to come up there?” (looking aound to turn around on the highway and start driving north)

Hubby- “No Honey, he’s fine…here talk to him…”

Ambulance noises in the background, sans siren

Evan- “Mommy?”

Me- "yes my love it’s mommy, are you OK?”

Evan-“ I fell out of a tree Mommy, it hurt a lot, I am in the boo boo truck, and Mommy?”

Me- (choking back sobs) “yes baby?”

Evan- “It’s not as scary as you thought it would be…..

Oh my god, yes child of mine, it is, it is so much worse.

So I talked to him a few more minutes. They got him to the hospital, x-rays, CT scan, all was well. And thanks to the EMT’s who are scout dads, and mostly my hubby, my precious boy is safe.

And I am so very grateful for that.

He did manage to wheedle the Xray tech into giving him copies of the pictures of his ‘brain’. Which were pinned up on the window of his classroom all day Monday. Thanks Miss Susan ;-) And I didn't see this picture until they were home that afternoon, safe,in our kitchen- or I would have sprouted wings and flown to Sebring.

Some Eye Candy

So... as promised, here is some new work, there is actually a lot (!) more, but it'll have to wait til I post it on Etsy this week.  Let me know what you think, both of the pieces, and the photo set up's.  I'm a big girl, so candid opinions are welcome!