Empathy and me-e-e-e-e, are pretty good company, well ummm….

Definition:

em•pa•thy [ émpəthee ]

1. understanding of another's feelings: the ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties
NOUN
Synonyms: understanding, sympathy, compassion, responsiveness, identification, fellow feeling
NOUN
Antonyms: indifference


I had planned on posting some new work, but this is more important today.

Yesterday when I took my son to his taekwondo class, as we were driving in, we saw a friend of ours heading for her car with her two boys. One of the boys is autistic. She was crying, disconsolate really. So Evan and I pulled in next to her and asked what happened. Apparently the son who is autistic (awesome kid by the way) was playing hide and seek in the dojo with a few other kids; and quite innocently- he went into the women’s changing area to hide. There was a woman in there breast feeding her baby, who demanded that he leave. WTF? She was breastfeeding, not having killer sex. Oh yuck, thats a visual I didnt need.

Any reasonably intelligent mom should know that when you shout or speak sharply to a child –especially one who doesn’t know you, they react out of fear, from the brain stem. She decided he was (in her words) a mouthy brat. Well she came out of there looking for the mother of said ‘brat’ and proceeded to give my friend hell. My friend apologized and explained her son was autistic, and the response was along the lines of “I guess you need to do a better job of watching him then”. My girl being the woman she is, apologized profusely and repeatedly, but the woman kept at her, made her feel awful, just awful. I don’t care who you are, or who the kid is, there’s no need for that. See definition above- it applies to most every situation.

Girlfriend kept it together until she hit the front door, then dissolved. Tougher than I could have been. Sensei would’ve had to mop me up off the dojo floor

I need to digress a moment to tell you what an amazing woman and mom my friend is. She takes on the battle when no one else will. She advocates tirelessly and thanklessly for autism affected kids and their families. She shines. She loves. She yells. She makes mistakes. She succeeds. She keeps going.

So once girlfriend felt OK enough to drive, Evan and I parked our car. Mind you now, Evan witnessed the pain in our friend. I asked Evan if he would mind changing inside, instead of in the car like he usually does.

“Why?”
Because I want to talk to the lady who hurt our friend.
“You gonna tell her all about it?”
Damn right I am.
“Yaaay Mom power!!!” (did I mention how cool my son is?)

Everyone has issues of some kind or another. Everyone has skeletons of some sort. They are with us always, they affect everything we do, every single action and reaction is governed by the rats nest of stuff we all deal with in our secret selves every single day.

And no one is perfect, no one. No matter how hard or seemingly successfully they try to keep up that pretty picket fence façade.

Next time someone -or more especially, some child happens to perpetrate some unmindful act of discourtesy or rudeness, try to keep that definition in the front of your mind and realize there just might be more to it. Breathe and connect with your own heart first.

I apologize to Elton John for mangling his lyric to “Harmony”


Do I need to tell you that as I was “telling her all about it”, I forgot all about empathy?
And you know what? I am sorta grateful that I did….awful aren’t I?

Two Moments of Joy

I cannot think of better illustrations for joy.

My son's joy in the first picture, unmitigated, total joy in being six years old

Mine in the second, total, content, heartfilled joy at being Evans mama.

I am so grateful for my life, my joy.

Mothers Day ("What not to Wear"- where are you?)

The picture is from Friday, May 8. There had been a Mothers Day tea at school, and I asked Nee Nee to take him for the balance of the day, I met them there after work, they had gone out to the pool, Evan made a great game of trying to pull me in the pool. I was winning....until I relaxed for an entire 2 seconds. splash. oh well, we ended up having great fun, while I tried to keep the skirt part of the little sundress from floating up around my waist (there was a character in the pool with goggles who kept trying to cop a free look at my unders, cretins abound)

So this same sweet boy, we are going to sleep last night (Mothers Day in the US) and he turns to me and says, "Mommy, you have the most beautiful heart, million bazillion, kanillion"

Me- Aww thank you my sweetheart, I love you too

Him- but your face isnt very beautiful

Me- Well, I'm glad you think my heart is.

him- why dont you wear make up Mommy, here, here and here (pointing to the various spots he thinks need camoflage)

Me- well, because makeup takes time, and in the morning I would rather spend that time with you

Him- how long?

Me- probably ten minutes

Him- Well I would be OK for that long if you wanted to wear makeup, because I know it would make you feel better (hard truth this child speaks)

Me- OK, then I'll do it tomorrow

Him- and Mommy? you need some girly shirts

Me- I dont like to shop baby,

Him- I will come with you and I will help you

Me- laughing- OK tootsie, that would be great. good night I love you forever.

Next morning-5:15 AM

We're waking up, he's having chocolate milk, I'm having vitamin water, and he turns to me and says - arent you supposed to be putting on make up?

me- OK, I'll go do that now

I go, apply goop, come back, he looks at me & says - you dont look any different.

I'm still laughing.

I am grateful for being whole enough inside my heart that this is funny, not hurtful. I am grateful thats he trusts me enough to be that honest. He does know the difference

Howard Ikemoto

"When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college- that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared back at me, incredulous, and said, "You mean they forget?"
~ Howard Ikemoto


Yes I guess we do. We forget to be joyful and unashamed and free in our expression of creativity, whatever form it takes.

My son makes the greatest drawings, he is free and intent and full of purpose, and sometimes when he tells me the story of a drawing in our semi weekly kitchen floor art shows, he cant remember what it was originally and invents a new story to go with his vision. He's the real artist, I learn so much from him, every day- so maybe the pendant I envisioned when I started a pmc project didnt come out the way I expected, I have learned to give it another story. How cool is that?